Reading Pedersen, Dark Hearts, notes from the chapter on the Oedipal Wound
Referencing Freud’s view that incest is a child’s “wish to possess sexually one parent or the other,” Pedersen states that this view of possession is too narrow. When applied to men and their mothers, it delayed understanding of their possessive urge. Pedersen believes that incest should be thought of as a “symbolic regressive longing for what the mother represents.”
My mother did so many thing right. I mourn for the relationship that I perceive us once having. Not one of my peers was treated as well when sick. Whether it was a common cold or a pernicious flue, she waited upon me while I stayed in bed.
Lying there, I could set my life around the lower bookshelf adjacent to my pillow. My radio, my books, and my writings were at the ready. When they were not enough, I could recall the toy soldiers under my bed.
Having the soldiers so close to my border was one more privilege of illness. Normally, by her command they bunked in the closet across the room. Sick days were an exception. A boy not feeling well could never be expected to walk across the room.
Oscar Levant said to George Gershwin, “Tell me George, if you had to do it all over again, would you fall in love with yourself?”
It must feel good. Who am I kidding, it does feel good. Don’t all of us fall in love with ourselves at least once?
When does this become a bad thing? Ever? I suspect if done in excess it would be a problem. A constant demonstration of it and we would appear selfish. When is confidence self love? Can we be confident without falling in love with ourselves?
At least with Gershwin, the result is that most of us know who he is. But who is Oscar Levant?
Tor House is the name Robinson and Una Jeffers gave the house they built in Carmel, California. Tor comes from the rocky points they saw when visiting Dartmoor, England. The home was important to his poetry. My house is important to my writing. There our similarities end.
He built his house. I live in mine. They built theirs with stone carved from the boulders of the coastline in Carmel. Someone built ours a long time ago and then more recently someone else put aluminum siding on it. I don’t even have to paint it and yet I feel ownership. Just by being present.
Robinson did all that work on his home and still had time to write. Very little of my home competes for my writing time. I think, “advantage Bob.” An advantage I have yet to capitalize on. Maybe I should build a shed or something.
I once was taught that the mindset of following one’s dream is a good way to go broke. I know many close to me who would ask ( and not necessarily complimentary) when have I not followed my dream.
There is truth in this, but I kind of did it half heartedly. I think I looked for ways to have fun, but anything deeper was not a requirement. I dared not to dream. Not really.
I am fascinated with people who as part of their dream fought for a cause. My latest fascination continues to be Robinson Jeffers.
Dr. Peter Quigley in his book Housing the Environmental Imagination writes, “Five years after moving to Carmel, California in 1919, Jeffers bought 16 lots for $200 apiece, eventually owning 36 lots, none with a purchase price any higher than $3,000.” This over a ten year span.
Jeffers’s son Donnan reported that in 1977 these lots had a value of $200,000. We can only imagine what Jeffers’s dream is worth today. “Dreams, a good way to go broke.” Can I blame it on my mother?
The Tree, we are going to try and save the tree!!! Hurrah!
Amazon Gift Certificates – a few kind and thoughtful folks gave me gift certificates for having received a Master’s Degree. I cashed in one this week knowing I had missed our monthly grocery delivery. Immediately I worried whether or not I would find enough books to buy before next month’s grocery shipment at the end of June. I didn’t want to waste the gift certificate on toothpaste and coffee.
Good news! I bought two books today. Is it June yet?
Sometime ago I bought the book A Course in Miracles. A friend of mine had told me about it and upon first picking it up, it did not take, but now it is growing on me.
In addition to the course itself, there is also a workbook. Each exercise is to be taken alone for the day. There is one for every day of the year. The first one is to identify everything in sight with “it doesn’t mean anything.” Continue reading
Robinson Jeffers writes, “The wild God of the world is sometimes merciful to those that ask for mercy, not often to the arrogant. You do not know him, you communal people, or you have forgotten him; intemperate and savage, the hawk remembers him; beautiful and wild, the hawks, and the men that are dying, remember him.”
What I like best about this quote